Week 5: Behaviors that Negatively Affect Marriage

Humorectomy: The surgical removal of a person’s sense of humor.  (urbandictionary.com)

When I was first dating my husband I was totally in love.  Of course this meant that I kept my blinders on and loved everything he said… including his really corny jokes.  You know, the ones with the bad puns.  After we’d been married a few years, had a few kids, I became all business, or, as my husband would describe it, I had a “humorectomy.”  

I remember feeling frustrated and angry every time he would share a shameless pun, or retell a joke I had heard countless times.  Why did he change from the funny guy I first met?  

Then it dawned on me… he hadn’t changed, I did.  

Here’s a short illustrative story:

“There once was an older retired couple driving down the road.  Coming from the other direction was a young couple.  The young lady was sitting very close to the young man with her head resting on his shoulder.  It was easy to see that these two were in love.  The older lady in the first car then said, ‘Don’t you wish we were still close like those two?’  The man replied, ‘I’m not the one who has moved’” (Leavitt & Christensen, 2003, p. 57).

It seemed a little presumptuous of me to demand that he have a humorectomy just because I did.  I decided that if I had found those old, corny jokes cute and endearing when we were courting, I could choose to see the humor once again.  

The dad joke is a pejorative term used to describe a corny, unfunny, or predictable joke, typically a pun. Generally inoffensive, dad jokes are traditionally told by fathers among family, either with sincere humorous intent, or to intentionally provoke a negative reaction to its "dagginess".  (Wikipedia)

Yes, twenty-two years later, my husband is still telling the same “dad” jokes.  I might groan and roll my eyes, but a smile also graces my lips because he is still the same fun, light-hearted man I married.

Me (seriously): Honey, how do we solve conflicts?

Him (with a sparkle in his eye): You get upset, I get upset.  I yell, then you yell.  Then I feel bad, then I apologize and it’s over.

"Rediscovering or reinvigorating friendship doesn't prevent couples from arguing, but it does give them a secret weapon that ensures quarrels don't get out of hand" (Gottman, 2015, p. 26).

References

Gottman, J. M. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert [Kindle version]. Retrieved from Amazon.com
Leavitt, D. H. and Christensen, R. O. (2003).  Scripture study for latter-day saint families: The book of mormon. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book.