Shortly before I was married, my wise grandmother gave me the best marital advice ever. She said, “Serve him. We love whom we serve, so if you serve him, you will always love him.” I’ve thought about this counsel and have passed it on quite frequently. Truly as we serve our spouses with all our hearts, we will be drawn to them and we will love them more.
H. Wallace Goddard (2009) noted that we are “invited to dedicate our lives, our talents, our weekends, and our weaknesses to the sacred enterprise of sanctifying our marriages and ultimately perfecting our souls.” Don’t our companions deserve our very best efforts? In support of this Elder Hafen (1996) said, “Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.”
Stephanie Smith (2011), writer/editor/blogger, accentuated this idea in an article she wrote for startmarriageright.com. Here are her bullet points:
- In a 50/50 marriage, the couple develops the habit of keeping score, but in a 100/100 marriage they stop counting altogether, knowing it will never add up perfectly.
- In a 50/50 marriage, the individuals are focused on protecting their portion, but in a 100/100 marriage they are focused on blessing the other individual.
- In a 50/50 marriage, the husband and wife are instilled with the attitude that their spouse owes them their half of the bargain, but in a 100/100 marriage the couple learns to focus on giving love rather than receiving love.
- In a 50/50 marriage, love is restricted by conditions, but in a 100/100 marriage love is unconditionally given.
- In a 50/50 marriage, love is viewed as currency, an equal exchange between two parties, but in a 100/100 marriage love is a gift.
So how do I contribute my 100? How do I serve?
As a wife and mom my life is filled with prosaic work. I get kids off to school, clean up after the morning hurricane, tackle mount laundry, craft dinner for the masses, and tuck gremlins into bed (after countless drinks of water, which are supposedly bad for gremlins). It wasn’t until I understood that this “everyday” work was “sacred” work, that my attitude towards it changed. Christ asked us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and tend to the sick and afflicted. My job as wife and mother is exactly what Christ asks of us. It is this sacred way that I serve my family.
“There are always those who will call our offerings to the Lord silly, pointless, and unnecessary!” (Goddard, 2009, ch. 5).
To say that I have felt stretched and that I have grown would be a gross understatement. But just as the wise servant who worked hard to double his talents from five to ten, I have seen the hand of the Lord in my life and have been strengthened in the task that is before me.
“We ask God to increase our capacity so we can give yet more” (Goddard, 2009 , ch. 5). I believe that we should give this same commitment to our husbands. When we were first married, I would make sure my husband had ironed shirts and a lunch made. Unfortunately, as children have come along (with the attendant work that comes with them), my husband is lucky to have a shirt that gets hung up out of the dryer. As I have tried to renew and deepen my love for my husband, my Grandmother’s counsel has echoed through my memory. I’ve redoubled my effort to serve my husband as well as my children, after all, there isn’t any reason I can’t pack him a PB&J while I’m packing theirs.
References
Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: Powerful principles with eternal results [Kindle version]. Retrieved from Amazon.com
Hafen, B. C. (1996, November). Covenant marriage. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng&_r=1
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