Driving the back country roads out here in Wisconsin is fun, but you really have to know your alphabet. To get to the church I can take F to ID to S to J to S again before turning onto Pioneer, OR I can take F to the 18/151 to PD to P to S to J to S. One day, after running errands around Dodgeville, it was time to head home, but my husband had missed one of the many lettered turns. He was sure he was on the right route home, but in fact, he was on a parallel road that was twisting out into the countryside. Eventually, however, it would dump us back onto the right road home.
A few days later, returning to Dodgeville with my sixteen year old daughter, I saw the point where my husband and I had been dumped back onto the correct path. I couldn’t help but think about how frustrated I was with my husband for not listening to me; it’s not like we were in a hurry to be somewhere. I was just frustrated that we meandered onto our destination road instead of taking the direct route. I turned to my daughter and said, “I guess I’m just not a patient person.” She looked at me quizzically, so I expounded the journey I had been on with her father just a few days earlier, noting that it wasn’t important which road we took, but that I was impatient and irritated because we hadn’t taken what I deemed as the “right” road.
She said, “Well, we can’t all be perfect like you, Mom.” Now while she said it in jest with a smile on her face, there seemed to be a sardonic hint to her statement. I decided to probe a little further and asked what she meant by that. She had commented that I did so many things well that it was hard to live up to my standards. Ouch!
Last thing I want is for my children to feel like my love is conditional upon some unreasonable standard, and I don’t want my husband to feel like this either.
President Monson (2008) said, “Of course, there is no going back, but only forward. Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future.” I might not be able to take back any ill feelings I’ve generated, but I can move forward and create an environment where my husband and children know that I will love them unconditionally.
In my text this week Goddard (2009) said, “. . . negative reactions are a choice -- a choice to see in a human, judgmental way. But we can also choose to see in a heavenly and loving way. . . Charity can be the lens through which we see each other” (location 2348, ch. 7). I believe that this is true. It might be hard to choose a reaction, but I can do this through cultivating an attitude that refrains from judging, and instead chooses to dwell on the love that I feel for them.
In the same General Conference talk President Monson (2009) warned us that, “Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important -- and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know.”
I do want my husband (and children) to know how much I love them, that he is what matters most. I want him to know that he is what is important, not which lettered road we take home.
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved” (Monson, 2008).
References
Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: Powerful principles with eternal results [Kindle version]. Retrieved from Amazon.com
Monson, T. S. (2008, November). Finding joy in the journey. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/finding-joy-in-the-journey?lang=eng
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